I just thought this was a great way to voice my opinions and what has been laid on my heart.
First, let me start by saying I am NOT a writer, nor have I EVER professed to be. This is more like a conversation I would have in my head. No, I'm not crazy, at least not today ;)
I have been doing a lot of soul searching lately; just trying to get a feel or a sign or something, anything, as to where God is taking my life at this moment. You see, I believe everything in life happens for a reason; there is always a lesson to be learned in everything we experience, whether it be good or bad. I don't believe in coincidence or luck. You may call it that; I call it God.
For the most part, I lead a rich life. I'm not speaking in monetary terms either. I have a wonderful husband and the most awesome kids. We have a roof over our heads, food in our tummies, and the freedom to pray and read the Bible wherever and whenever we want. Life, for the most part, is great. But like anything, it's not always "roses". I believe when we get too comfortable, that's when some things may start to go wrong. It's like God is taking us by the shoulders and shaking us and saying "Don't be stupid! YOU didn't do this, I DID THIS! And because you aren't appreciating all that I have given you, or using the gifts I have equipped you with, I am going to toss you a curve ball." And that is precisely what has happened in my life lately, which is what led me to writing this blog.
I didn't even realize that I was getting too comfortable, but I do realize that God will give us tests every now and then and I, for one, know that I sometimes fail miserably. I'm learning. And praying. And learning some more.
It was a rough weekend for me. Dad's not doing so well; they are checking into some lumps they found around his heart and he's in a lot of pain. Other things in the family could use some improvement as well. Again, God is trying to tell me something. You see, we as humans are so extremely selfish. Poor me, I don't have enough friends. Poor me, I don't make enough money. Poor me, my kids won't nap. Poor me, I'm not skinny enough. Poor me, poor me, poor me. All this while I drink my nice clean water. While I drift off to sleep in my nice soft bed. All this while I worship in my nice big church. While I smile and make small talk with others, even though I am so insecure on the inside, but don't want people to see that part of me.
I have come to realize that all God is asking me for is my WHOLE self. I thought I had already given Him this, but when we don't think we can give anymore, He teaches us to keep giving. And forgiving. Just like He gave us His Son. And continues to forgive our sins. COME ON PEOPLE...HE GAVE HIS ONLY SON!!! The least I can do is give Him more of myself.
I was so wrapped up in my own self pity that I didn't hear God's voice saying "It's okay. Don't stress out. I love you and that's all that matters. Rise above it. And forgive. Because if you don't forgive, you will grow angry and bitter." Sometimes God uses people in our lives to speak for Him. And I am lucky enough to have people in my life who do just that.
Today my husband called me from work and told me that a co-worker and his wife were in a quadding accident. Just like that she is paralyzed from the neck down. And she's only in her mid-twenties. With two young boys.
In that instant nothing in my life mattered. I cried for this couple whom I barely know. As a mother I couldn't imagine never being able to wrap my arms around my kids again. Or helping them get dressed. Or rolling in the grass with them. I couldn't imagine not feeling my husband's loving touch as he holds my hand. Not being able to rub his neck after a tough day at work. Not being able to jump around and sing and dance when our kids pee on the potty for the first time. Or walk them to school on the first day.
So I cried. Not for me this time.
I will continue to cry. But not for me. I will cry for all of those who are lost or have lost. Who are angry or have angered. Just like God weeps for us.
Is God teaching me a hard lesson? Yes.
Is it a lesson I have been taught before? Yes.
Will He have to teach it to me again? Probably, but I hope not.
I am not perfect but I am EXACTLY who God wants me to be. It just takes some reminding from Him every now and then.
For now, I will continue to work on forgiving those who I feel need forgiveness. Praying for those who need prayer. Helping those who need help. Because that is what I am called to do.
Mark 6:34, "And Jesus, when he came out, saw much people, and was moved with compassion toward them, because they were as sheep not having a shepherd: and he began to teach them many things."
