"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
In my last blog I spoke of a leap of faith I was about to take. Well, I took it and will start my new job at my church in just eight short days (but who's counting!). This was a decision that had been months in the making - only I didn't know it yet.
Let me start at the beginning...
I have been working for a company since February of 2004. This is a job I LOVED up until a couple years ago. You see, I went on MAT leave when I had Isabella and when I returned to work I felt like I needed a change. Not ready to change employers, I applied for a sales position that looked very financially promising. Within a couple of months in this new position, I was kicking myself for taking that job. But I loved the money and the bonuses and the money...
About a year into this new position I found out I was pregnant. I was ECSTATIC! Not just to have another baby, but to have another year off! I know it sounds pretty brutal, but I was beginning to feel so stressed out, I felt like this gave me a light at the end of the tunnel; something to look forward to; a break. You see, in the quest to make as much money as possible, I was taking work home every night; I couldn't seem to keep my head above water. I was getting into conflicts with my boss (who put me back on probation after working there for six years, because I took something like 12 sick days that year; I will mention that I had my gall bladder removed and both my husband and youngest had gotten the H1N1 virus). Despite all that, I kept on. I knew this is what my family needed. It was a good way to provide and it felt good to be able to make more than my husband some months!
But I was miserable. Not just with my job, but with my family, with my life.
Late October of 2010 was my final straw. I got a call from my boss on a day I took as vacation, telling me that someone I considered a close friend at work completely threw me under the bus and wrote a nasty email just to cover her own butt. I was done. I was pregnant and I was done. I went to see my doctor and she said, "You're done.". She gave me the note and I haven't been back since.
Sophia was born on March 5, 2011, so that was the day my MAT leave officially began. When she was a few months old I was already beginning to worry about returning to work in March 2012. But God had other plans for my life.
A couple of months ago they announced that our church Office Administrator is planning on retiring and that position needed to be filled. Immediately I knew I wanted that job. Then the thought of money made me rethink it. Money and loyalty. You see, I pride myself on being a loyal person, both personally and professionally. The thought of disappointing my employer worried me. So I began to pray - probably for the first time, I began to really pray with a completely obedient heart.
And God revealed Himself to me. On July 23, I heard God speak, and for the very first time, I could actually HEAR Him. I knew in my heart that this was where He was leading.
So I applied for the job the night before it was closing. Went through the interview process (still not having the confidence in myself that I would get it, nor the confidence in God - I know that sounds terrible - that things would fall into place as they would need to), and ultimately was offered the job.
I felt torn. Happy that they have enough confidence in me to do the job and worried because I would be taking a drastic pay cut from what I was used to. So I prayed some more, fought with my husband about finances - I knew he secretly wanted me to stay where I was because he's always thinking ahead and worrying about our future (in a financial sense), and argued with God.
Finally I conceded. "Alright, God, if this is where I am meant to be, I will need certain things to happen." And I gave Him my list.
1. Jay's heart will be softened and he will become completely supportive of me taking this job, regardless of money;
2. Daycare will need to fall into place (which was a long shot - it's pretty much unheard of getting two kids into daycare with only four weeks notice);
3. I will feel okay about giving up six months of my MAT leave to return to work.
Jay and I prayed that night and I just sobbed and prayed. I already kind of knew. That was August 10 - the night I wrote my last blog. I was giddy with excitement. I couldn't wait; not sure if I was more excited about the job, or the fact that I KNEW God was going to put me in my place!
I'm NOT joking, the very next day I called the daycare and they made it work. I woke up with a peace in my heart about leaving Sophia six months early. And Jay came home, excited for me to take this job.
FOR REAL?!?!
But you know what? That's how GOD rolls! He waits patiently for us to come to Him. He made me go through certain things to teach me a lesson. Money isn't everything. It was becoming an idol for me and Jay. Our "stuff" was becoming more important than anything. We were making our jobs a priority and pushing our family aside. I would always convince myself that because I sponsor a child and tithe regularly and help people out every now and then that that's enough. The rest of the money was MINE. I WORKED for it; I DESERVE it.
He slapped my hand and said, "Shame on you." Indeed...shame on me.
So here I am, a bit scared, a bit anxious to leave Isabella and Sophia, but a lot excited for this new chapter and ESPECIALLY for my renewed faith and trust in my BFF.
