Awe, you think I'm pretty?!

"Mommy, you're not cool but you are pretty!", so says my three year-old to me today. It made me chuckle because just the other day she told me that she "wuvs" my tummy; it's so nice and squishy! Oh, to be three again. To not have to worry about anything other than eating, sleeping, and playing. No body image issues; that doesn't come until at least five years old these days (okay, maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration, but it does start so much younger than it used to).

For some reason tonight (because Isabella tells me I'm pretty quite often), it really stuck in my mind. It made me want to cry a little bit when I tucked her in tonight and listened to her say her bedtime prayers. She looks at me like I am the best thing; her whole world. She doesn't see the imperfections that I see every single time I look in the mirror.

Why is it that we are so consumed with our outer appearance? Don't get me wrong, I do think we need to do all that we can to be healthy (which I find EXTREMELY difficult). I want to lose a lot of weight, partly because I know I need to get healthier; I want to be able to run around with my kids and not get tired right away. But I think it's mostly because I'm embarrassed. Embarrassed of what OTHER people think of me. Embarrassed because my oldest is now a teenager and I don't want her to be ashamed of me. Embarrassed, far too embarrassed, to do anything but make "fat" jokes about myself. I'm not depressed about my weight, but I certainly am ashamed of it.

On the other hand, I am so very fortunate that I have to be concerned with this. Some have self-image issues over things that are/were completely out of their control. So many people talk about their weight and working out, and that's awesome. But what about the ones that are so low about a birthmark on their body that everyone can see. Or the lazy eye that people make fun of (which was me as a kid). Or the crooked teeth they have because their parents couldn't afford braces. What are we teaching our kids? We play a HUGE role in how our kids will view themselves, their peers, and anyone else, for that matter. If we are obsessing over our image, would it not rub off on our kids? Would it make them feel that much more insecure or maybe that much more arrogant? Maybe it would make them look differently at someone who is noticeably "flawed".

For me, I am working at my "inner" flaws, my spiritual ones. God just keeps pointing them out to me lol. But the more I work on that, the more it makes me want to work on my "outer" flaws. It makes me want to get healthy because God wants that for us. I know I am perfect to Him. I mean, He created me and He doesn't make mistakes! But I want to honor Him by taking care of myself. I want to be able to be an example to my kids of what a positive self-image looks like, both physically and spiritually. I want them to be the ones that aren't embarrassed to befriend the kid that's different. To look at someones heart rather than their appearance. I want my children to LOVE themselves, just like GOD LOVES THEM.

If I can give that gift to my children, I will have accomplished something big. And all accomplishments deserve rewards...like maybe an ice cream cone... ;)

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 ¹⁹ Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; ²⁰ you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.

Child-like Faith

First of all, as I said in my previous blog, I'm VERY new to this, so when I first created this blog, I didn't mean to call it Hmmm. That was actually supposed to be my first post title, but I obviously did it wrong! So now, here it is. It's called Hmmm, which I guess is fitting, since I'm always wondering what will end up in the post once I begin to write. Just thought I would clarify that in case anyone was thinking, "Why in the world would she use such a stupid blog name?!"

Anyways...

Today Isabella was having a bit of an off day. Actually, I shouldn't really say that. Just because, if I went based on her attitude, every day would be a bit of an off day. She's a very busy, smart, funny, defiant, stubborn, incredibly loving (when she wants to), and absolutely perfect in her mommy's eyes, child. Today was no different. Since we are having our carpets cleaned tomorrow (finally), we are trying to get out of the habit of allowing the kids to drink in the living room. Well, Isabella had her cup of water and wanted to bring it in there and I said no. She, in her usual I'm-going-to-see-how-far-I-can-take-this attitude yelled YES! So what did I do? I took the cup away from her. And what did she do? Yep, she hit the cup, which went flying out of my hand and landed on the floor. Keep in mind that it was only water, but that's not the point. I picked her up, spanked her bottom and put her in her room for a time out.

~ Sorry, but I have to interrupt the story to tell what just happened to me. I'm sitting on the chaise in my room typing this and Jay is sleeping (snoring away). All of a sudden he says "Speak Up". First of all, it COMPLETELY freaked me out because the only noise is the humming on my laptop and the sound of the fan. Once I realized that, no, I didn't crap my pants, I said, "What?" and again he said, "Speak up". I was confused. "Speak up about what?" "You were explaining the *insert inaudible mumbling here*" "What???" "You were explaining how the dollar works" (figures he's dreaming about bills or something) "Jay, I wasn't even talking! You must be dreaming." "You must be right." And now he's snoring again. STRANGE!

So, as I was saying, Isabella was sent to time out. Five minutes later she comes out of her room and asks for a drink. I said, "What do you say to Mommy?" "Sorry Mama" "Do you know what you're sorry for?" "For frowing my drink." "That makes mommy very sad and that makes Jesus sad too!" Then she looks at me, a bit worried and says "Pastor Graham telled Jesus?!" What a kid I have! But it got me thinking tonight about how I view God.

You see, Isabella views Jesus like a person. We talk about Him as a friend. Jesus is our friend who we can't see. She just accepts that. It is so hard for us to accept something that we cannot see, hear, or touch.

I came to know Christ as a child - just like Isabella - but Jay was an adult. It was so much harder for him to believe. He once asked Danica (I believe she was seven years old at the time) why she believed in God and she simply said "Because I do". Just like that. She didn't need "proof", she just BELIEVED. Hearing Isabella tonight during her prayers, I couldn't help but pray for God to give me that child-like faith back.

~Oh my, Jay keeps talking in his sleep!~

It's so easy for us to point our finger at someone else, to accuse them (maybe not in so many words) that their faith isn't where WE think it should be. That, if they REALLY were a follower of Jesus Christ, they wouldn't be doing this or doing that. Do we even realize that we are thinking that? If we really took inventory of our thoughts, how many times would we realize that we are being completely hypocritical? I am guilty of this. Even guilty of this this weekend.

I pray, as hard as it is, for God to point out where my faith is lacking. Where my mistakes lie. I pray that He will give me that nudge to take stock of my own life. To do my own inventory; to clean out the corners of my life where some of that faith has grown dusty.

I think that's why I feel the need to write this blog. In a way it is my own way of taking ownership of my faith - my mistakes and my triumphs - in Christ.

Tonight I had my siblings over because Dad felt good enough to take a drive out. It was so very nice. God showed me how fortunate I am to have such loving, caring, extremely understanding siblings who are not perfect, just like me. We are so perfectly flawed and I am so grateful.

I'm starting to get a bit giddy. Maybe it's because I'm tired, but maybe, just maybe, it's that child-like faith bubbling up and over...

I am going to join my husband in the land of sleep-talking now. Sweet Dreams...

Mark 10:13-16 ¹³ People were bringing little children to Jesus for him to place his hands on them, but the disciples rebuked them. ¹⁴ When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. ¹⁵ Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.” ¹⁶ And he took the children in his arms, placed his hands on them and blessed them.